Temptations

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because , having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 

Oh , God's Great mercies! When James wrote this , I can't imagine that he ever thought of our Family and the trials of Autism! 

Autism itself is so HARD! I want to very clearly point out that I do not and have not ever felt that it is a burden. I do struggle with knowing its cause , it's reason, it's purpose . How can you fight an enemy you know nothing about ? It's like being attacked in the night and you didn't see or hear it coming , you don't know the damage it has provoked or how to stop it or prevent it from happening again! 
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters , whenever you face trials of many kinds  because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance  Let perseverance finish it's works so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking of anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you . But when you ask , you must believe and not doubt because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind .  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord." James 1:2-7 This world may not have the answers I need regarding Autism but the God who created the heavens and the Earth does and he says specifically that he will give you the wisdom you want , you need only ask!

With this kind of monster it can be hard to fight and easy to give up . You may be tempted to feel angry and bitter . You may feel that God is tempting and testing you.  Rest assured this is not the case. For the Bible says" When tempted , no one should say , "God is tempting me. " For God cannot be tempted by evil , nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then , after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15 This being said , You should not point blame, look internally first ! We are more to blame than we want to believe. Don't let yourself be a victim! I'm talking to myself most of all here ! For the last month or so  I have had  this overwhelming sense of peace  and  really pure joy on our lives circumstances . I was able to see that the journey God has taken us down , the good and the bad have really brought us to this beautiful family we have. I was accepting of Ethan and who he is and had no expectations but hope for a better future for him . But a simple mistake of taking a bath with an iPod made that all melt away in a second . I immediately let my monster out ! All those feelings of Joy and contentment were gone and anger and bitterness filled me . I let myself become the victim again. Why is God doing this to me ?  Such as in the bible it says desire (aka my desire to have a typical child (whatever that means) gives birth to sin and when it is full grown gives birth to death. So when my desires don't pan out , I sin ( become bitter and angry) which then turns to death ( death of Hope) Hope that God has a plan for this . Death of hope can start you down a road of depression that can be hard to bounce back from . James 1:19-21 says Everyone should be quick to listen , slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore  get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the work planted in you which can save you ! I can feel God working in me to achieve this , as trust me I have headed down dark paths that I couldn't even see God I could barely hear his whisper to guide me back , it would take days to weeks to put myself back together and be the Mom God chose me to be ! This time I believe God allowed me to see that monster in me to remind me not to ignore him cause if I do he will ambush me when I'm not looking . A day of self pity and tears on my dad's shoulder AKA the phone helped me remember that this path is a dead end ! Nothing is accomplished on this road except death . James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this : to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being Polluted By the World!   The world has painted a picture of Autism as an undesirable and there are many aspects of Autism that I can do without but Ethan is not one of them . He is beautiful.

I will leave you with these words of encouragement. And the God of all grace , who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while , will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever  and ever . Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11

Please visit Ethan's page to support him and his class at the Denver Walk Now for Autism Speaks! at :
http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/colorado/ethan2006

It's that time again....... Haircutting !

Today was haircut day for the family. Haircuts have morphed over the years, however I will say that we have always cut Ethan's hair on our own. I feel we know him best and can understand and anticipate his needs more efficiently. Haircuts used to be torture, and at times we would all leave sweaty and tear covered but I have always felt that Haircuts are a part of life , you will need one several times a year for the rest of your life so Ethan you better get used to it. I would say the iPhone has been our saving grace for Ethan's last few haircuts. It is the number one desirable for Ethan and he seems to do well getting his hair cut when he uses it . So I would say for us buying a $30 pair of buzzers and doing it ourselves works best , since no one is around to watch should he tantrum, they pay for themselves in one cut and you can make it as comfortable as possible, its really easy and you can learn how each time what they tolerate and what they won't . We went from having me and my husband double teaming him with movies and fruit snacks to only me and an iPod. I learned that he doesn't like to be spray'd with water so today i wetted my hands and then rubbed his head wet , He also doesn't like the buzzer around his ears so I will usually use the scissors but he is becoming more tolerant . Like I said you learn and each time gets easier and cheaper ;)! However if you want to take them to a place to get their hair cut I took Hailey for her first haircut at Pigtails and Crewcuts . They have a special needs experience and this place would be my second choice! Here is their link:http://www.pigtailsandcrewcuts.com/westminster/special-2/

So on a very personal note......

I have been really emotional today , it all started last night when Ethan decided it was a good idea to get in the bath tub with his clothes on and ...... take his iPod with him. Makes sense right ? I mean Ethan thinks " I love water and I love my phone having them both would be awesome". At the time I thought my iPod was toast and was upset at the prospect of spending another couple hundred dollars for a new one. Come to find out this morning after drying out and resetting it , it works good as new. So why am I still sad ?Because yeah I didn't want to spend $ on another but the root sadness is that I am frustrated that my six year old thinks its a good idea to do this , that its still okay to poop/ pee his pants, that its okay to wander off from your mom at Kohls. I am upset that he makes bad choices and if it were Hailey I could punish her and get the point across. So today i have been having a huge pitty party and the best part of my day started at the lunch table... I made the kids their lunch and I sat down to well cry some more and Hailey says " Mom, why are you crying "
Me: "I'm sad".
Hailey: "Why"
Me: Because Ethan can't talk
Hailey : Don't cry , Ethan will talk soon.
Me: You think so ?
Hailey : Yeah , you just have to be patient ..... He's eating

LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love that girl ! She knows how to cheer me up . Such a great big sister.