.jpg)
Oh , God's Great mercies! When James wrote this , I can't imagine that he ever thought of our Family and the trials of Autism!
Autism itself is so HARD! I want to very clearly point out that I do not and have not ever felt that it is a burden. I do struggle with knowing its cause , it's reason, it's purpose . How can you fight an enemy you know nothing about ? It's like being attacked in the night and you didn't see or hear it coming , you don't know the damage it has provoked or how to stop it or prevent it from happening again!
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters , whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance Let perseverance finish it's works so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking of anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you . But when you ask , you must believe and not doubt because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind . That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord." James 1:2-7 This world may not have the answers I need regarding Autism but the God who created the heavens and the Earth does and he says specifically that he will give you the wisdom you want , you need only ask!
With this kind of monster it can be hard to fight and easy to give up . You may be tempted to feel angry and bitter . You may feel that God is tempting and testing you. Rest assured this is not the case. For the Bible says" When tempted , no one should say , "God is tempting me. " For God cannot be tempted by evil , nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then , after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15 This being said , You should not point blame, look internally first ! We are more to blame than we want to believe. Don't let yourself be a victim! I'm talking to myself most of all here ! For the last month or so I have had this overwhelming sense of peace and really pure joy on our lives circumstances . I was able to see that the journey God has taken us down , the good and the bad have really brought us to this beautiful family we have. I was accepting of Ethan and who he is and had no expectations but hope for a better future for him . But a simple mistake of taking a bath with an iPod made that all melt away in a second . I immediately let my monster out ! All those feelings of Joy and contentment were gone and anger and bitterness filled me . I let myself become the victim again. Why is God doing this to me ? Such as in the bible it says desire (aka my desire to have a typical child (whatever that means) gives birth to sin and when it is full grown gives birth to death. So when my desires don't pan out , I sin ( become bitter and angry) which then turns to death ( death of Hope) Hope that God has a plan for this . Death of hope can start you down a road of depression that can be hard to bounce back from . James 1:19-21 says Everyone should be quick to listen , slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the work planted in you which can save you ! I can feel God working in me to achieve this , as trust me I have headed down dark paths that I couldn't even see God I could barely hear his whisper to guide me back , it would take days to weeks to put myself back together and be the Mom God chose me to be ! This time I believe God allowed me to see that monster in me to remind me not to ignore him cause if I do he will ambush me when I'm not looking . A day of self pity and tears on my dad's shoulder AKA the phone helped me remember that this path is a dead end ! Nothing is accomplished on this road except death . James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this : to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being Polluted By the World! The world has painted a picture of Autism as an undesirable and there are many aspects of Autism that I can do without but Ethan is not one of them . He is beautiful.
I will leave you with these words of encouragement. And the God of all grace , who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while , will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever . Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
Please visit Ethan's page to support him and his class at the Denver Walk Now for Autism Speaks! at :
http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/colorado/ethan2006
No comments:
Post a Comment